Boy meets girl. That’s how it starts. He takes her on a first date and then a second and a third – dinner, dancing, the movies, a moonlit walk. They talk for hours about everything and nothing. Their palms sweat, their hearts race, and they can’t imagine how they’ve managed to live this long without one another. A first kiss leaves them breathless. They gladly suffer a thousand sleepless nights until the unexpected moment when he says “Will you?” and she says “Yes” with a promise of “I do”. And suddenly, it all makes sense. Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.¹

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“Change. Sometimes it sneaks up on you. Sometimes it hits you over the head. And sometimes you turn a corner, only to find you’re different in some small way, and the world doesn’t look quite like it used to. So, where do I go from here? No idea. And for the first time, I feel like that’s a good thing.”

~Erica Strange

Most people are searching for certainty in an uncertain world. Not me. I gave that up long ago. The eternal search has lost it’s magic.

I was talking to an old friend tonight. The truth is, he’s more than an old friend. He was my first love – a long time ago. And now, he’s going through a divorce. He tells me that he still loves me. That I am the great love of his life – the one who got away. He flatters me with memories of the person I used to be. He is a good man. The sort of man who in the midst of his own uncertain future, believes in the kind of love that lasts forever.

I believe in love too. I also believe in impermanence. The groundlessness of life. I know that change can happen in an instant, and no matter how much you try you’ll never be fully prepared when it comes.

I share with him stories of my own loss. What it felt like to grieve the end of one life, the beginning of another.

I tell him that when it comes to grief, the bargaining stage destroys me. It’s the moment before you’ve lost all hope. When you still believe that maybe, just maybe there’s a chance. And holding onto that last sliver, you make impossible promises. You beg and plead. There is nothing you wouldn’t do, nothing is beneath you. At worst, you lose your dignity. At best, you get stuck in an endless loop of “What if?” or “If only“.

The good news, grief is universal. We’ve all been there. We’ll all be there again.

So this post is for my old friend and anyone else trying to find balance in our uncertain world. Look down. There is no rope. There is no ground.

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