I was at a meeting this morning to talk about The Business Makers new Website (which Kelsey has done an AMAZING job designing – even building a custom back-end in Django), when Kelsey said: “You’re just too nice”. I’m not sure exactly what the context was – but I can’t stop thinking about that statement – and what it really means.

As I’m writing this – I’m staring at a sticky note pad that says: “Get To Work – You aren’t being paid to believe in the power of your dreams”. Which may or may not be true – but the truth is – I want to be paid for believing in the power of my dreams. And I haven’t a doubt in my mind that I can and will be. In fact – I might go as far as to say I’m on the cusp of doing just that.

But back to this whole “Nice” thing. Kelsey has a point. I am indeed far too nice. I’m far too nice with my time. I’m far too nice with my ideas. I’m far too nice about money. And I’m definitely far too nice in business. The problem with being “Far Too Nice” – is that the moment you decide to change and be “less nice” – people freak out a little. So what’s a girl to do?

5 Steps to Stop “Being Too Nice”

Step 1 – Value Recognition. You – yes you are a unique individual. Your thoughts, ideas, and values are just as important, valid, and valuable as the next persons. You have something to offer – and what you have is “remarkable”. This starts with valuing yourself and your own views and opinions. If you don’t value them – if you can’t commit to them – neither will anyone else.

Step 2 – Stop Focusing On What Other People Think. Nice girls put a lot of stake on what other people think. STOP. This doesn’t mean you can’t be open to new ideas – or to changing your own beliefs. It just means that an idea isn’t better simply because it came from someone else (even if that person is older, wiser, more famous, or more successful). There will be times when you will be wrong – and that’s okay. But it’s better to stand up for the courage of your own convictions then it is to blindly follow the herd.

Step 3 – Feel The FEAR, and Do It Anyway. Nice girls spend A LOT of time living in fear. Here’s a little challenge to help you break out of your comfort zone. Each month for the next 6 months – do something that you’re scared to do. Jump Out of a Plane, Confront Your Boss, Ask Out That Cute Guy Next Door, Raise Your Rates, or just Wear Something Scandalous to that next networking event. The idea here is that comfort zones are limiting – and more importantly self-imposed. Break Free!

Step 4- The Problem with Compromise. There will be times when it will be necessary to compromise. But there are times when Compromise is NOT an option. This is where nice girls get into the most trouble. It’s never okay to compromise On The Truth, On Your Reputation, or On The Quality of Your Work. This applies in both your personal and professional life. In Japan there is a technique called Kanban. Literally translated Kanban means “Card Signal”. Used in manufacturing, this technique ensures that every part in an assembly line is perfect (i.e. no spare parts or loose screws) before the line can move. On an American assembly line, loose screws are often discarded – and less than perfect products are built and shipped – with the belief that “we can always fix it later”. On a Japanese assembly line – if a part is not PERFECT – the entire line stops until a replacement can be made. Hat Tip to The Big Moo for this fascinating tip

Step 5 – Don’t Be Afraid To Dive In. Nice girls love planning – because it keeps them from getting their hands dirty. But success is the direct result of action. Make decisions and make them quickly. To decide means to cut off from all other choices. Sometimes you’ll be wrong – but you have to keep honing your decision making skills. Plan Less and Do More. Stop worrying about getting it right – and adopt the mantra: “Progress Not Perfection”. Start making decisions – and you’ll quickly learn that even failure has it’s own rewards.

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