ReinventingErica.com » change

When Did This Become My Life?

Erica — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 19:22:08 +0000

Have you ever woken up one morning and said – “When did this become my life?”

I used to ask this question all the time – except it used to be followed by “Seriously – How Lucky Am I?” and now it’s followed by “Could it possibly get any worse?”

By the way – the answer is yes…so do yourself a favor and NEVER ask that question.

But I’m the happiest, most optimistic girl on the planet – what could have possibly happened to send me spiraling into one of the darkest depressions of my life? Well SHE happened and then IT happened – and the next thing you know I started questioning everything about myself and my life – and finding that almost everything that I thought was true – WASN’T. I know I’m not the first person to ever have the proverbial rug pulled out from under them – but it’s still tough.

I’ve spent over a decade of my life in a relationship that allowed me to define myself in a very specific way. And now – I feel lost, scared, inadequate, and utterly alone. Worst of all – I don’t have a clue what to do next. I’m paralyzed.

Many of you have given me advice. My dear Liz Strauss keeps reminding me to Love Myself. In Sanskrit there is a term called Maitri which means “loving-kindness towards oneself”. I think most women tend to put the needs of everyone else before their own…and at the end of the day, there is nothing left. What if we did things differently? What if instead of getting our validation from outside sources, we developed a deep acceptance and love of who we are right now? That’s what my project The Bliss Ring is all about. If this strikes a cord with you – I invite you to contribute your own story about self-acceptance and bliss by visiting The Bliss Ring.

My Big Brother Paige gave me some amazing advice when he said: “How can you possibly found a movement on Happiness and Bliss when you’re living in Depression and Despair? How can you possibly hope to help anyone find Happiness, from where you are?” Touché.

And my friend Mark Schmulen passed on some advice he’d just received from the CEO of Wikia – Gil Penchina who said: Indecision can put you in a bad place…“if you have one foot on the train and one foot on the platform, it is eventually going to get very uncomfortable.”

So this of course brings me back to this week’s theme – Change. I think that real and lasting change can only happen after we get really unsatisfied about something. In my case – I’m unsatisfied with just about everything. I’ve spent a lot of time crying and feeling sorry for myself – but that doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere. So now – I’m ready to stop feeling sorry for myself and instead start using that energy to Change.

The Invitation

I keep returning again and again to a poem I read years ago. A poem written by a woman who was unsatisfied with herself and the world around her. A poem that was passed from person to person, country to country, continent to continent – until it spread all over the world. And I wanted to share that poem with you here now as a reminder that there is no need to settle for anything less then genuine happiness and bliss.

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love — for your dreams — for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow -
If you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain — mine or your own without moving to hide it – or fade it – or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy — mine or your own
If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes,
without cautioning us to – be careful – be realistic
To remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless, and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty — even when it is not pretty every day.
And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure — yours and mine — and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “YES”.

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair – weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

~Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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Back To Basics

Erica — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 01:01:44 +0000

Photo by Narkelo

I’m having an identity crisis. I’m trying to reconcile who I am – with who I want to be. In my last post I talked about how I’m getting ready to leap ahead of what I think is going to be the “Next Big Trend”. Giving up your old life and identity is hard. There is so much I love about who I am right now. About this life.

I love working in Social Media. I love being recognized as a leader in this space. I love getting honored by countless organizations and publications for the work I’ve been doing over the last 6 years. I love the image of who I am. And that’s something that is VERY difficult to give up. And I’m not just giving it up – I’m starting over from scratch. With one decision, I’m going from Expert to Beginner. Scott Porad and I were doing our first “Moment of Bliss” podcast yesterday, and I equated it to going from being the Top Dog in Middle School to being a Lowly Freshman in High School. From being the one with all the answers, to being the one with all the questions.

So I went back, and I took a look at my Personal Mission Statement. I think everyone should have a written Personal Mission Statement. There are few things of greater value in this world than knowing what you stand for. Below is a copy of my Personal Mission Statement:

Core Beliefs:

I believe that chaos and structure are not mutually exclusive, that people can and do get ahead by doing “the right thing”, and that doing something out of passion and love is far more important than doing something for money.

Core Values:

Simplicity

Integrity of Word, Honor, and Deed

Equality

Be Remarkable Instead of Big

Innovate or Stagnate

Dream Impossible Dreams (or there is no such thing as Impossible)

Rules are Meant to be Broken

Speak Out

Community Matters

Fortune Favors the Bold

Peace

Who Am I?

I am a Community Evangelist, A Designer, A Coder, A Hacker, A Social Media Maven, A Geek Gal, A Web Developer, A Community Leader, A Radio Personality, A Catalyst for Change, A World Traveler, A Writer, A Collector, A Blogger, A Creative, An Idealist, An Objectivist, and a Genuinely Good Person (or so Ed Tells me).

What do I want from my life?

I want to be able to live with Passion – to never compromise On The Truth, On My Reputation, or On The Quality of My Work. I want to build and nurture communities, I want to inspire – connect – and mentor people with passion.

What do I value?

I value talent, community, ideas, passion, curiosity, intelligence, and the truth.

What are my talents?

Creating Connections, Spreading Ideas, Inspiring People, Leading Communities, Connecting Communities, Teaching, Designing, All Things Techie, Social Media Strategies.

At the end of my life, what do I want to have accomplished?

I would like to look back on my life and find that I lived every moment – that I have had more failures than successes – and that I made a difference in the lives of the people I met along the way.

Two things immediately struck me. First, whether I keep doing what I’m doing now, or I start doing what I’m dreaming of…I’ll still be living in accordance with my Core Values. And what’s more, I’ll still be “nurturing communites, while inspiring & connecting people”. Perhaps in a bigger way than I am now. And that’s exciting. And to top it all off – I’ll still be using my natural talents. I know I keep returning again and again to Joseph Campbell (trust me there is a reason for this) – but my hope is that I am giving up the life I have planned, in order to have the life that is waiting for me. Because, “The Privilege of a Lifetime, is Being Who You Are.” ~Joseph Campbell.

And the Second thing that struck me, is that it’s harder to grow when people look on you as an expert. Even in a field that changes as rapidly as Technology & Social Media, at some point we all fall victim to our own echo chamber. And it’s difficult to grow in a Vacuum.

But here is what’s great! This gives me an opportunity to get Back to Basics. Every great journey starts in Curiosity. And that’s definitely what has been missing from my life. An unstoppable drive to know. But I’ve found it again, and in the most unexpected place. And I get to go back to “Being Remarkable instead of Big”. A lot of times we start to put too much importance on our own personal influence. This is the biggest mistake I see people in Social Media making today. We forget that influence is relative, conditional, and often fleeting.

This is something I personally struggle with. I mean – I used to be the #1 Erica in the World according to Google…and then I was #2…and today I’m #3. It’s tough when we build our reputations on Castles in the Clouds. Sometimes you need to step back to basics and rebuild that foundation.