Today is January 4th, and I’m proud to say I haven’t missed a single day of meditation practice since the 1st of this lovely new year. Most days I meditate for 30 minutes, just as the sun goes down. But for me practice is about more than just meditating every day. It’s about how I move through the world.

In Buddhism there are guidelines called precepts. Unlike The Ten Commandments, precepts are not hard and fast rules for living, they are a code of ethics that lay practitioners can choose to follow as part of their practice.

My #ThemeWord for 2012 is PRACTICE. And I’ve chosen to incorporate the precepts as part of my practice going forward.

The Ten Grave Precepts

(With Commentaries by Bodhidharma and Dogen Zenji)

1. Not Killing. Bodhidharma: Self-nature is subtle and mysterious. In the realm of the everlasting Dharma, not giving rise to the ideal of killing is called the Precept of Not Killing. Dogen Zenji: The Buddha seed grows in accordance with not taking life. Transmit the life of Buddha’s wisdom and do not kill.

2. Not Stealing. Bodhidharma: Self-nature is subtle and mysterious. In the realm of the unattainable Dharma, not having thoughts of gaining is called the Precept of Not Stealing. Dogen Zenji: The self and things of the world are just as they are. The gate of emancipation is open.

3. Not Misusing Sex. Bodhidharma: Self-nature is subtle and mysterious. In the realm of the ungilded Dharma, not creating a veneer of attachment is called the Precept of Not Misusing Sex. Dogen Zenji: The Three Wheels are pure and clear. When you have nothing to desire, you follow the way of all Buddhas.

4. Not Lying. Bodhidharma: Self-nature is subtle and mysterious. In the realm of the inexplicable Dharma, not preaching a single word is called the Precept of Not Lying. Dogen Zenji: The Dharma Wheel turns from the beginning. There is neither surplus nor lack. The whole universe is moistened with nectar, and the truth is ready to harvest.

5. Not Giving or Taking Drugs. Bodhidharma: Self-nature is subtle and mysterious. In the realm of the intrinsically pure Dharma, not giving rise to delusions is called the Precept of Not Giving or Taking Drugs. Dogen Zenji: Drugs are not brought in yet. Don’t let them invade. That is the great light.

6. Not Discussing Faults of Others. Bodhidharma: Self-nature is subtle and mysterious. In the realm of the flawless Dharma, nor expounding upon error is called the Precept of Not Speaking of Faults of Others. Dogen Zenji: In the Buddha Dharma, there is one path, one Dharma, one realization, one practice. Don’t permit fault-finding. Don’t permit haphazard talk.

7. Not Praising Yourself While Abusing Others. Bodhidharma: Self-nature is subtle and mysterious. In the realm of the equitable Dharma, not dwelling upon I against you is called the Precept of Not Praising Yourself while Abusing Others. Dogen Zenji: Buddhas and Ancestral Teachers realize the empty sky and the great earth. When they manifest the noble body, there is neither inside nor outside in emptiness. When they manifest the Dharma body, there is not even a bit of earth on the ground.

8. Not Sparing the Dharma Assets. Bodhidharma. Self-nature is subtle and mysterious. In the genuine, all-pervading Dharma, not being stingy about a single thing is called the Precept of Not Sparing the Dharma Assets. Dogen Zenji: One phrase, one verse–that is the ten thousand things and one hundred grasses; one dharma, one realization–that is all Buddhas and Ancestral Teachers. Therefore, from the beginning, there has been no stinginess at all.

9. Not Indulging in Anger. Bodhidharma: Self-nature is subtle and mysterious. In the realm of the selfless Dharma, not contriving reality for the self is called the Precept of Not Indulging in Anger. Dogen Zenji: Not advancing, not retreating, not real, not empty. There is an ocean of bright clouds. There is an ocean of solemn clouds.

10. Not Defaming the Three Treasures. Bodhidharma: Self-nature is subtle and mysterious. In the realm of the One, nor holding nihilistic concepts of ordinary beings and sages is called the Precept of Not Defaming the Three Treasures. Dogen Zenji: The teisho of the actual body is the harbour and the weir. This is the most important thing in the world. Its virtue finds its home in the ocean of essential nature. It is beyond explanation. We just accept it with respect and gratitude.

Everything within the precepts is framed by the belief in doing no harm. So the question we ask when making a decision is “will this decision or action cause harm to myself or others?”. If the answer is yes, then the course of action is clear. But there will be situations where the answer is not clear. At least not for a lay practitioner like me. For example, I once asked my teacher what to do about the ants in the garden.

Me: “I have a question about Ants. There are Ants in my garden, but if I’m to do no harm…how do I remove the ants?”

Maezen: “Depends how long you can live w/ants. Ants belong in a garden. Just don’t confuse theory w/ practice. Theory confuses, practice doesn’t.”

A very Zen answer. The ants stayed. But if it had been termites or rats in my home…I’m sure I would have chosen differently. It’s all practice, my commitment is to do my best on any given day.

One way I’ve chosen to very easily live within the precepts was by becoming a practicing vegetarian. I started by giving up red meat, then chicken. For months I was a pescatarian (only eating fish), and finally 3 months ago I gave up fish as well. The transition was much easier than I expected. Now I’m working to find ways to incorporate more protein into my diet without eating meat.

One place where I struggle is with “Not Discussing The Faults of Others”. When I attended my first Sesshin (silent meditation retreat), I spent 9+ hours a day staring at a wall. You can learn a lot about yourself and how your mind works by staring at walls. What I discovered was that 85% of my thoughts were judgments and criticisms of myself and others. I am constantly judging. Constantly finding fault. I’d like to work on this, and so I’m committed to practicing more compassion for myself and others.

Renowned Buddhist Monk Thich Nath Hanh has taken the precepts and distilled them into what he calls the five mindfulness trainings. I love his phrasing and wanted to share them with you here.

The Five Mindfulness Trainings

(according to Thich Nath Hanh, www.plumvillage.org)

-First Training-

Aware of the suffering caused by the destruction of life, I am committed to cultivating compassion and learning ways to protect the lives of people, animals, plants, and minerals. I am determined not to kill, not to let others kill, and not to condone any act of killing in the world, in my thinking, and in my way of life.

-Second Training-

Aware of the suffering caused by exploitation, social injustice, stealing, and oppression, I am committed to cultivate loving kindness and learn ways to work for the well-being of people, animals, plants, and minerals. I am committed to practice generosity by sharing my time, energy, and material resources with those who are in real need. I am determined not to steal and not to possess anything that should belong to others. I will respect the property of others, but I will prevent others from profiting from human suffering or the suffering of other species on Earth.

-Third Training-

Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I am committed to cultivate responsibility and learn ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without love and a long-term commitment. To preserve the happiness of myself and others, I am determined to respect my commitments and the commitments of others. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct.

-Fourth Training-

Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I am committed to cultivate loving speech and deep listening in order to bring joy and happiness to others and relieve others of their suffering. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I am committed to learn to speak truthfully, with words that inspire self-confidence, joy, and hope. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to criticize or condemn things of which I am not sure. I will refrain from uttering words that can cause division or discord, or that can cause the family or the community to break. I will make all efforts to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small.

-Fifth Training-

Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful consumption, I am committed to cultivate good health, both physical and mental, for myself, my family, and my society by practicing mindful eating, drinking, and consuming. I am committed to ingest only items that preserve peace, well-being, and joy in my body, in my consciousness, and in the collective body and consciousness of my family and society. I am determined not to use alcohol or any other intoxicant or to ingest foods or other items that contain toxins, such as certain TV programs, magazines, books, films, and conversations. I am aware that to damage my body or my consciousness with these poisons is to betray my ancestors, my parents, my society, and future generations. I will work to transform violence, fear, anger, and confusion in myself and in society by practicing a diet for myself and for society. I understand that a proper diet is crucial for self-transformation and for the transformation of society.

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I’m writing this from a sickness induced haze. My bedroom smells like Sudacare Advanced Vapor Plug, or so I’m told…because I can’t smell a thing. And when you can’t smell, food has no flavor – so eating loses it’s pleasure.¹

So that’s where I am – but this post is about where I hope to go. This post is about the power of intention.

Since 2007 it’s been my yearly tradition to pick a #ThemeWord. Two years ago, I also started picking a #ThemeColor & #ThemeSong all meant to encompass the year ahead. Last year my #ThemeWord was FORWARD. I wanted to move on with my life. I wasn’t sure what that meant – I just knew it was time to stop standing still. This year – I am ready to take that FORWARD motion deeper through PRACTICE. In fact, PRACTICE is my official 2012 #ThemeWord.

Why PRACTICE?

prac·tice/ˈpraktəs/

“My life is my practice.”

I’ve read so many great books over the last year, but two profoundly influenced my life and my work. It just so happens both were by Steven Pressfield. The first The War of Art taught me how to overcome creative resistance, and the second Do The Work gave me a roadmap for “getting to done”. In fact, I catch myself repeating “Do The Work” over and over again whenever I’m trying to finish a project or task. A silent mantra to overcome even the most stubborn resistance.

But in order to do the work, I must practice. And for me that means returning to the cushion again and again. This past year I’ve been an imperfect meditator. And that’s okay. But this year I’ve set a really BIG goal for myself. I intend to sit Zazen (my practice) every day for the next year. I even ordered a fancy new Zabuton and Zafu from Carolina Morning (They are seriously the best! Ask for Deborah). Sitting imperfectly I’ve seen a huge improvement in my ability to focus for longer and longer periods of time. This is inspiring!

I might fail at my BIG goal of practicing everyday- but that’s okay. That’s why it’s called PRACTICE. But I’m gonna try my best. And I’m gonna report back here every day to let you know how it’s going.

My teacher says “Every question in life is how. And every answer is do. And do and do.” It’s that simple.

#ThemeColor this year is GRAY. And my #ThemeSong (drumroll please) FOOTLOOSE! The Kenny Loggins version

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#resound11 Prompt 02: Vices

Yesterday we summed up 2011 in one word. Today we’re going to talk about vices.

Did you slip back into any old habits that you wish you hadn’t? Did you gain any new habits that you wish you would have walked away from? Did you discover the evils of Nutella? ‘Fess up … we won’t tell.

This prompt may sound dark and dreary, but we’ll be back to our sunshine selves tomorrow. Take today to reflect on a vice (or two or twelve) that you’d like to give up in the new year.

How will you resound?

Fairytale Thinking. I haz it.

Most of my vices are pretty ordinary. I like good food and good entertainment (too much), I spend more than I save, and I waste an inordinate amount of time living in the past or planning the future. So much time, that I often miss the present.

But the worst of my many vices is less ordinary. I still believe that life is like a fairytale. That people are either good or evil – and that good will always triumph. You can’t begin to imagine the kind of trouble this thinking gets me into on a daily basis.

It’s no wonder Finding Neverland and Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium are my favorite movies. I shan’t grow up. I won’t. I won’t. I won’t.

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Fell out of love.

It can happen in an instant. That indescribable moment when you fall out of love with a person, a place, or an idea. One minute you’re yearning. The next – nothing.

Confusion. Uncertainty. Acceptance. Freedom. Everything in an instant.

And then you’re done.

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Like a lot of you – I was really sad when I found out there would be no #Reverb2011. But the good news is Jaemie Gyurik has picked up the torch with #Resound2011. So let’s get started:

Prompt 01: One Word

What is one word to describe your 2011? Why does that word sum up your year? (We’ll be writing about our one word for 2012 later, so just focus on this year!)

Since 2007 my friends and I have chosen a life #themeword each year. One word that is supposed to embody our hopes, dreams, and intentions for the year ahead. This year – my word was FORWARD. I started off the year feeling really stuck and uncertain about who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. All I knew was that I didn’t want to be stuck anymore.

I’ve come a long way down this path over the last 11 months. And I’m proud to say my life has indeed moved forward – in very area. Especially spiritually. I’m proud of my progress and looking forward (pun intended) to what 2012 brings!

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My old friend Gwen Bell has been on a mission to “realign” her site, and is naturally reinventing herself along the way. I’ve been fascinated by her process and progress, wondering where her courage comes from. I read the books she suggests, paying attention to her quiet wisdom – hoping to learn from her mistakes. Her work has inspired me to write more. In fact, she is part of the reason that I write every day. And when I say I write every day – I mean I write EVERY DAY. I’m just not writing here.

Somehow the work has become more important than the medium. Now instead of writing short blog posts with catchy headlines and lots of forced meaning – I’m writing journal entries about my day. I’m doing a lot of stream-of-consciousness writing too. I’m using writing prompts. I’m writing complete chapters for my book. They’re rough…but they’re getting written. But every time I look at this site…this space…I get sad. I wish I could be writing here too.

It turns out that Gwen must have been reading my mind because she’s facilitating a 3-month program that seems to have been designed just for me. It’s called Align Your Website w/Gwen Bell – and I’m all signed up. Join me?

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If I wasn’t already a fan of Simon Sinek, this would be the tipping point. As Sinek says:

“I fundamentally believe that fulfillment is a right, and we have the right to feel fulfilled by the work that we do. And we have the right to demand that the places we work give us a sense of belonging, and give us a sense of purpose. And work to make us feel like we’re contributing to something larger than ourselves.”

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“Change. Sometimes it sneaks up on you. Sometimes it hits you over the head. And sometimes you turn a corner, only to find you’re different in some small way, and the world doesn’t look quite like it used to. So, where do I go from here? No idea. And for the first time, I feel like that’s a good thing.”

~Erica Strange

Most people are searching for certainty in an uncertain world. Not me. I gave that up long ago. The eternal search has lost it’s magic.

I was talking to an old friend tonight. The truth is, he’s more than an old friend. He was my first love – a long time ago. And now, he’s going through a divorce. He tells me that he still loves me. That I am the great love of his life – the one who got away. He flatters me with memories of the person I used to be. He is a good man. The sort of man who in the midst of his own uncertain future, believes in the kind of love that lasts forever.

I believe in love too. I also believe in impermanence. The groundlessness of life. I know that change can happen in an instant, and no matter how much you try you’ll never be fully prepared when it comes.

I share with him stories of my own loss. What it felt like to grieve the end of one life, the beginning of another.

I tell him that when it comes to grief, the bargaining stage destroys me. It’s the moment before you’ve lost all hope. When you still believe that maybe, just maybe there’s a chance. And holding onto that last sliver, you make impossible promises. You beg and plead. There is nothing you wouldn’t do, nothing is beneath you. At worst, you lose your dignity. At best, you get stuck in an endless loop of “What if?” or “If only“.

The good news, grief is universal. We’ve all been there. We’ll all be there again.

So this post is for my old friend and anyone else trying to find balance in our uncertain world. Look down. There is no rope. There is no ground.

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