Today, two broken-hearted people sat across from one another for hours talking about addiction, on camera. I sat right. He sat left. He wore way cooler clothes than me. Especially when we filmed the second episode. The episode which will forever be known as “the most perfect episode that Erica ruined”. We sat in front of a green screen, with perfect lighting and multiple cameras focused on our every word.
This all happened so fast and feels so right – that in truth – I don’t know where to start. I know I have something to say about this topic. A big reason for that is there is someone I love – and he’s out there some where – struggling with addiction. I can’t help him. I tried and failed. Maybe this is my way of helping someone else?
I know I’m helping JD – and he’s helping me. I don’t ever have to hide my pain when I’m with him. He understands. He lets me be sad.
We were talking today about how we met in Yoga Teacher Training. How so often, people come to Yoga or Religion – or Addiction – to escape pain. And not normal pain, but primal pain. I know this was true for me. Is true for me.
I am too tired to pretend like I’m okay. Too tired to pretend. Right now (and some people might be learning this the hard way), I don’t have the energy to be anything but real.
I won’t put on a fake smile or pretend to care about something I don’t have the bandwidth to care about. I can’t do that anymore. I have to save all my energy for myself, my own healing. I have to refill my well, so I can once again be of value to the world.
Carrie Fischer said, “Take your broken heart. Turn it into art.” Today, we did that.
In a few weeks, we hope you’ll find something of value in our art. Something of value in the words and stories we’ve been brave enough to share. And if you do, we hope you’ll share it with the people you know it would benefit most. #MayWeBeOfBenefit #BeHelpful #ForAlan