Naked, tangled limbs make it hard for me to get up in the morning. So I sleep in…and then I complain there aren’t enough hours in the day. And so it goes.
Which begs the question, would you rather be Billy Pilgrim or a Trafalmadorian?
I think I’ve slept maybe three nights alone in the last month. Therapists orders. I asked him if I should give up dating for a while? His answer surprised me. No. To the contrary, I should date in earnest.
Would I call this dating though? Finding comfort in the arms of a man who (when I look back on my life), I realize has ALWAYS been there for me. I imagine most of the women in his life could say that. There are a lot of women in his life.
He asked me over breakfast yesterday, what I thought was wrong with him? This was the second time he’s asked me this question. I complain about his snoring. He proceeds to tell me all the things he believes are wrong with me. Not with malice or cruelty, but smothered in love. His goal…inspiration, motivation, increased introspection on my part. He wants me to be better today than yesterday.
I explain to him, not for the first time, how I like being told what to do. How I like when a man can handle me. So he gives me a task.
He’s taught me more about true partnership in the last month, than a whole lifetime of dating. True partnership begins and ends with the partnership you have with yourself.
We watched a movie one night called Bridge of Spies. Tom Hanks plays a lawyer representing a man accused of being a Russian Spy. Throughout the film, Hanks asks the man why he isn’t more worried about his fate? He replies, “Would it help?”
It doesn’t. Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but doesn’t get you anywhere.
“Would it help?” becomes our new catch phrase.
I was broken the day he arrived. The pieces of me so scattered I felt like Humpty Dumpty. Today I feel like a Kintsugi bowl. My broken bits carefully mended back together with gold. I may be flawed, but my flaws are strong and beautiful and filled with hope.
I believe love wins. I believe we must start and end each day in gratitude. I believe nature and curiosity cure most things. I believe life is uncertain and groundless.
In the near future, my savior will return to his own path. To the life that is patiently waiting for him. To continue his adventures in lands foreign and domestic. I can safely say I don’t need him or anyone anymore.
My own breathless adventure awaits.