Somewhere between love, lust, and friendship there exists a new kind of relationship. Something I’m calling “frilovers”. Friends. Real friends. Who aren’t friends with benefits. Who aren’t in a relationship in the traditional sense. Friends who are lovers. And the basis of their relationship is radical honesty, kindness, and respect. It’s real, raw, and lovely.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately as I explore different forms of intimacy – and as I talk more and more with D. I’ve been spending the last few months pushing myself to be more honest. To show up more fully in all of my relationships. Including my relationship with myself.
One of my super powers is my ability to see people – really see them – and meet them where they are. Since the moment I met D our dialogue has been free. With him I do not self-censor. I am not self-conscious.
I’ve been trying to figure out what makes this relationship different? I think it comes down to the fact that I walked in with zero expectations – bar one – honesty. We are both so broken we don’t have the energy to pretend.
I call this place we’re in the in-between. Perdu called it “The Hurting Time”. Stripped of ego, of desire, of ambition, and of longing. Settling into acceptance. D said this morning he has no fucks to give. I said it’s natural to give a fuck, but wise to accept things as they are.
We both wanted something we couldn’t have. And so it goes…
Good luck tonight D. I’ll be thinking of you.
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. Kurt Vonnegut