Fear of Heights
My palms were sweating as I climbed the ladder. My bare toes gripping each rung with trepidation. When I reached the top of the platform I thought my heart was going to beat straight out of my throat. The instructor handed me a bar, and told me to lean my entire body out over the platform at a 45 degree angle. With my toes hanging over the edge of the platform, I leaned forward. But apparently not far enough. The instructor stood behind me, pushing my hips further and further over the edge. I resisted. She pushed harder. “Lean Forward – More. Push your body over the platform”.
Once I was finally in position, she told me she was going to count to three and then say “Hut”. “Hut” was the command to jump off the platform and swing from the Trapeze. She counted down, “1, 2, 3 Hut!”. And Nothing. I was frozen over the platform. Unable to move. “1, 2, 3 Hut!”. Again. Nothing. “You have to jump…you can’t stand up here all day – people are waiting”. She began the countdown again: “If you don’t jump this time I’m gonna have to push you, 1, 2, 3 Hut!”. I jumped. It was amazing.
I did it 3 more times. And each time – I stood paralyzed on that platform. Unable to move. Unable to let go. Terrified of plunging to my death. But I still did it – again and again. Cause I’m determined to conquer my Fear of Heights. Even if it means being paralyzed on a platform over and over again.
I am not over my Fear of Heights. Not by a long shot. I’m still terrified on balconies and roofs, hills and mountains, and even staircases. But when Mr. S suggested taking me on a Helicopter Ride to help me conquer my Fear of Heights I immediately said yes. Because as scary as it is – sometimes there is nothing better than letting go and just letting yourself fall.
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Erica OGrady is the CXO of Peanut Butter Media. She is currently HOMELESS while working on a project called Twilight & Tea. Erica is a Writer, Adventurer, Explorer who Still Believes in Santa and Following Your Bliss -- For more information Text ERICAOGRADY to 50500
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I love your adventure, I know the heights thing, it came crashing around my ears when I tried to drive down the mountain side driving into the sunset. Glad you are taking risks and moving forward.
Thanks Michele – Sometimes I think Risk is my middle name.
I always loved roller coasters, but hated that first hill. The entire way up I'd keep repeating "why the hell am I doing this? am I crazy? oh, man, how stupid, I want to go back. I'm going to die." Then we'd crest the hill and I would have the time of my life.
2 yrs ago I found out I have a heart disorder that is a foe of adrenaline. As much as I love the thrill after "letting go", the stress I put myself through leading up to it would take me down. So I have to avoid coasters, ziplines, parachuting, etc.
WHICH MEANS – you are helping me too when you jump off – because I'm riding along with! Very cool – way to go!
@eileen53
Aprille – I'm happy to have you along for the ride!
I often wonder why we so often let the fear of something become stronger than the thought of actually facing the fear. Not even conquering it, but just facing it.
I've asked on Twitter "Sometimes I wonder which is scarier…not knowing what I want from life or figuring it out and then not being able to achieve it/failing" and the responses were amazing http://khartline.com/2009/05/13/what-do-you-do/. It helped to know I'm not alone in these thoughts and encouraged me to continue to think about facing the huge question of what do I want from life. I have fallen many times along the way trying to figure this out, but I'm so glad I've taken the steps and I always get up and move on.
Continue taking risks…it's always better than not taking them.
Thanks love. You know what's interesting – it seems like it's always easier to give advice like that – about taking risks – when you're not right in the middle of the unknown.
That's why we're so lucky to have such a strong support network surrounding us. When I'm scared – you make me walk through the fire. And when you're scared – I tell you that anything is possible.