I am Grieving.
And I am learning that grieving is a natural part of the growth process.
This post is an act of courage on my part. Inspired by other amazing acts of courage – and by the kind words of my friend Tara who told me – “Don’t cry, Erica! You rock! Actually, you POWER rock!”
According to Getting Past Your Past – there are 3 phases of grief:
- shock and denial
- great emotion
- acceptance, reorganization and integration.
Did you know that the Grief of a Breakup feels the same – whether you’re breaking up with a person or a company? Did you know that it’s the same process – stemming from the same root emotions?
I spent this past weekend in bed. Crying mostly. Part of me does not want to admit this – because I know it will be viewed as a weakness.
I’ve been watching the race for the Democratic Nomination – and while I might not personally support Hillary – I am acutely aware of how much emotion she has been forced to hide. Somehow over time it has been universally accepted that emotions = weakness – and emotional women are at best too soft and at worst weak, hysterical, pathetic and unstable.
I have watched women I admire get publically bashed for their candor and openness online. And sadly – sometimes I have joined the cries of those mobs.
I would like to propose here that being emotional is NOT a weakness but a strength. It is from emotions that women draw on some of their greatest strengths including: Intuition, Compassion, Passion, and Heart.
Now back to the grieving. Something happened months ago – and instead of going through the natural grieving process I did what a lot of successful women do.
I threw myself into my work.
I made sure that I didn’t have a single minute to think about the pain. Everytime I started to wallow – I would take on another project. In fact – the entire Got Social Media?™ conference was born out of my extreme avoidance of emotional pain.
One of my favorite Authors, Sue Bender, frequently uses the symbol of a Begging Bowl. This simple object has an extreme importance in the daily life of a Buddhist Monk. Whatever is placed in the bowl – will be the monks nurishment for that day.
But the bowl has a symbolic meaning as well. Like Joseph Campbell’s “Call of the Warrior” – the Begging Bowl is a symbol of possibilities. And while it can be tempting to take on every possibility – to fill our bowls completely – this is not wise.
And yet – this is what I have been doing.
Several months ago – I had a great shock. I suffered a great professional loss. A loss that hurt me more deeply than even I could have imagined. And not even a month later – I suffered a great personal loss. But I did not stop. I did not allow myself to feel. I used every defense mechanism at my disposal to push onward.
I blamed others. I rationalized. I took flight. I minimized. And I sent myself head first into DENIAL.
And along the way (surprising though it may seem)- I achieved many wonderful successes.
- I sold out my first ever Got Social Media?™ Conference.
- I took on 2 Dream Clients.
- I got to spend a lot of quality time with my mentors and people who I greatly admire. And even got to judge a contest for Microsoft.
- I recorded some great interviews for The Business Makers Radio Show.
- I started a joint venture called 4th local media with my friend Dayna.
- I spoke at a conference on Social Media and got invited to speak at WebVisions in Portland.
- I trained a couple well known companies on how to best utilize Social Media within their organizations.
- I spent a lot of time traveling and meeting people who I admire.
- I started on several new personal and community projects (Jelly, The Legend’s Project, Chinquapin, Knowbility Redesign, etc).
- And soon, I will be launching a new site and Social Media Campaign for another fabulous new client.
But at the same time – I have filled my bowl too full. I have (at least temporarily) taken on more than I can chew. And as a result – many of my clients have not received the attention they deserve.
And many of my dearest friends have not received the attention they deserve.
Which is why I would like to publicly apologize to some people. First to my friend Caleb Jenkins who organized the Community Leadership Summit. And who – not once – but twice changed the date to accommodate my schedule. I am deeply sorry that I missed this past weekends event. I’d also like to apologize to Chris Heuer for missing an interview opportunity with him in San Francisco. That was another example of filling my bowl too full.
To my current and potential clients – I apologize for often not returning emails in a timely manner. I know I owe several potential clients a follow-up email – and I’d just like to say that I will be referring you to other consultants – as my bowl is full.
I have a couple dream accounts that I am working on – and I’m doing okay. But the truth is – I could be doing even better.
So – I’ll be dropping a couple of my current commitments. And will be more careful about the commitments I make in the future.
And yes – my week is already full of meetings. Some with potential clients – and some with current clients. And while I might never slow to a crawl. I am slowing down…
I want to give myself time to grieve.
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