I was at a meeting this morning to talk about The Business Makers new Website (which Kelsey has done an AMAZING job designing – even building a custom back-end in Django), when Kelsey said: “You’re just too nice”. I’m not sure exactly what the context was – but I can’t stop thinking about that statement – and what it really means.
As I’m writing this – I’m staring at a sticky note pad that says: “Get To Work – You aren’t being paid to believe in the power of your dreams”. Which may or may not be true – but the truth is – I want to be paid for believing in the power of my dreams. And I haven’t a doubt in my mind that I can and will be. In fact – I might go as far as to say I’m on the cusp of doing just that.
But back to this whole “Nice” thing. Kelsey has a point. I am indeed far too nice. I’m far too nice with my time. I’m far too nice with my ideas. I’m far too nice about money. And I’m definitely far too nice in business. The problem with being “Far Too Nice” – is that the moment you decide to change and be “less nice” – people freak out a little. So what’s a girl to do?
5 Steps to Stop “Being Too Nice”
Step 1 – Value Recognition. You – yes you are a unique individual. Your thoughts, ideas, and values are just as important, valid, and valuable as the next persons. You have something to offer – and what you have is “remarkable”. This starts with valuing yourself and your own views and opinions. If you don’t value them – if you can’t commit to them – neither will anyone else.
Step 2 – Stop Focusing On What Other People Think. Nice girls put a lot of stake on what other people think. STOP. This doesn’t mean you can’t be open to new ideas – or to changing your own beliefs. It just means that an idea isn’t better simply because it came from someone else (even if that person is older, wiser, more famous, or more successful). There will be times when you will be wrong – and that’s okay. But it’s better to stand up for the courage of your own convictions then it is to blindly follow the herd.
Step 3 – Feel The FEAR, and Do It Anyway. Nice girls spend A LOT of time living in fear. Here’s a little challenge to help you break out of your comfort zone. Each month for the next 6 months – do something that you’re scared to do. Jump Out of a Plane, Confront Your Boss, Ask Out That Cute Guy Next Door, Raise Your Rates, or just Wear Something Scandalous to that next networking event. The idea here is that comfort zones are limiting – and more importantly self-imposed. Break Free!
Step 4- The Problem with Compromise. There will be times when it will be necessary to compromise. But there are times when Compromise is NOT an option. This is where nice girls get into the most trouble. It’s never okay to compromise On The Truth, On Your Reputation, or On The Quality of Your Work. This applies in both your personal and professional life. In Japan there is a technique called Kanban. Literally translated Kanban means “Card Signal”. Used in manufacturing, this technique ensures that every part in an assembly line is perfect (i.e. no spare parts or loose screws) before the line can move. On an American assembly line, loose screws are often discarded – and less than perfect products are built and shipped – with the belief that “we can always fix it later”. On a Japanese assembly line – if a part is not PERFECT – the entire line stops until a replacement can be made. Hat Tip to The Big Moo for this fascinating tip 
Step 5 – Don’t Be Afraid To Dive In. Nice girls love planning – because it keeps them from getting their hands dirty. But success is the direct result of action. Make decisions and make them quickly. To decide means to cut off from all other choices. Sometimes you’ll be wrong – but you have to keep honing your decision making skills. Plan Less and Do More. Stop worrying about getting it right – and adopt the mantra: “Progress Not Perfection”. Start making decisions – and you’ll quickly learn that even failure has it’s own rewards.
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Erica OGrady is the CXO of Peanut Butter Media. She is currently HOMELESS while working on a project called Twilight & Tea. Erica is a Writer, Adventurer, Explorer who Still Believes in Santa and Following Your Bliss -- For more information Text ERICAOGRADY to 50500
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#3 and #5 are right on the money. To HELL with fear. And get your hands dirty. Now. Dive in and solve some problems. Kick some ass. Take a few names. People like ‘nice’ but business and getting shit done requires ditching ‘nice’ and taking some action. Dig it.
Amen to that…
Awesome post. I have always been “too nice” with everyone. My parents taught me to be like this and its now in roots of my system. I have realised that by being too nice, you actually put people off.
My biggest problem is that I tend to care a lot about what others think. I don’t have any self esteem issues or anything and I’m a very positive individual but I always seem to care about what others think of me. I really need to work on that.
And yes I have read the book “Feel The FEAR, and Do It Anyway.”
Plan less do more, that’s a good one. I spend time putting things in my diary then when it comes to doing the thing, I make an excuse not to do it. Then plan more stuff… (duh!)
My problem is I want everyone to like me. That is why I am too nice.
Yeah, I’m 2 nice …some times I wanna shake the niceness off, but when I do I feel lke I’m not being myself. I don’t want 2 be mean or not express my positivity in this world, which deff needs it I’d say.
It is kinda weird I’m being very ginuwine, but I think people take it the wrong way,they think I’m being fake I think, or maybe even they are jealous & wonder y I’m so happy & positive in my life. I feel lke I’m being judged by being nice 2 people also being positive & optimistic. I just really value my familys & friends. I believe U shd stick 2 your guns & still show the world U! Don’t back down because someone gives u a negitive energy or tells u “u r 2 nice!” Tell them “well I think u are 2 blahh & I’m sorry u can’t be as niice as me but I lke your new shoes! Hav a good day!” *PSG
COMMENTING on my own reply the whole idea on how 2 stop being 2 nice … What is 2 nice? & what happens when everyone stops being 2 nice & just nice then what happens when being plain nice seems 2 some how be 2 nice again & then just being nice ends up 2 be “y r they being nice? what’s their motive behind the nice?”
Its a terrible idea 2 stop being too nice. It is a very good idea 2 learn 2 be nicer and 2 reach out a helping hand & cast a smile & wink. Someone might really need it. *PSG